Hey ya'll,
Soooo
today I'm going to pour my heart out a little in a strange and yet myseterious (or not to certain people) way so that I am very vague and [pretty much]no-one actually knows what I am talking about.
But!
before I do that I will relay today and a little of yesterday...
Yesterday I studied some(kind of impossible to go a day without it or else I feel super guilty...) and went out for a walk with my roomie. ...and theeen in the evening I was invited to a gathering.
Now, I can't say I'm into the drinking/socialising scene, but I figured I could at least give it a go (with the choice to back out whenever I felt uncomfortable).
So I hung out with my roomie and her friends and met new people. It was okay but I still felt a bit awkward considering I don't usually like to meet people aorund aloholic environments. Mainly because excessive alcohol changes who a person is and therefore you aren't really sure who you are talking to. That, and I ama little shy around people I don't know.
Anyway I didn't want to be boring/party pooper (insert all other terminologies), so I hung out with them until the point where they wanted to clubbing in town.
Then I retreated to my room and had an early-ish night.
Today I studied some more in the morning. The book I was trying to decipher was ridiculously boring to the point where my eyes glazed over the words but nothing wet in my head. I tried so many times to read that book but it didn't work. So I abandoned ship with that one and tried the next one. This one was easier to read (in more of a story format) but I was confused as to why it was telling me about a battle from the 2nd world war. ...and then it talked about schooling and then prisons. I was thinking - how in the world does this have anything to do with Bureaucracy? Well, I sort of found out when that was explained at the end of the chapter, but it definately was a weird way to start a book.
Then I had a nice brunch and went to see one of my friends. We chatted for a good 3hours about everything we had done in the past year. It was great to catch up. :)
Then there was dinner and I hung with my roomie some more. The games room really needs new pool table cues. There is one for 2 tables and it is broken...
Oh, dad got re-married in Armenia last night. Was different...
Right. Down to the curious mysterious part.
I was having a bit of a down moment this afternoon when it came to thinking about relationships. It was one of those moments when you look around you and everyone has someone and you don't. Oh, that and the guy(s) you really like don't appear to be interested for reasons you don't even understand.
I thought, yes I have friends but if I was to right now ask myself "oh I want to go to a movie, who should I ask?" I would be a little stumped. I thought to myself..."oh, well that person will be with that person, that person will be doing X and that person will not want to see that....etc". Now, I am sure I could find someone but it's just weird how at points in your life you just feel so alone. It's like everyone else is occupied. Where did they go?
Then of course when it comes to (in my case) guys I am utterly bamboozled. Am I simply in the wrong country like I want to believe? Are guys in other places really different? Do they like me for me or because I am different? Are my standards too high? Am I looking too hard or not hard enough? Do I need to be more sociable? Am I disadvantaged because I am not spiritual? Should I wait till I am older? Should I concentrate on uni and be thankful I don't have that kind of distraction? WHAT?!
Now, I just watched a movie and although movies aren't real they represent some kind of truth. This one definately reminded me not to lower my standards. I am not going to go out with just anyone. I don't want to date for the sake of it. ....yes the hopeless romantic in me says to wait and see what happens. Not for the horse or the knight, but for something that catches my eye. For a gem. For value. For an adventure.
As hard as it is to ignore things around me, and as annoyed as I am getting by certain situations that are driving me CRAZY! ....I will persist.
There is one thing(in particular) that doesn't make sense and I am not even sure why I am bothering.
It's just there's this beautiful glimmer of hope that is still sparkling at the bottom of of a well. I remember how that glimmer used to once be a diamond in the palm of my hand and I wonder how things might have turned out if only the situation was different.
Then again, the diamond looked very real but who is to know if it was a trick to my eyes? Who is to know if the diamond was real or not? What if it fooled me all along and I was enchanted by its spell?
Why does it remain there without movement?
As much as it pains and confuses me I must walk away from the well and forget about it....
Until the glimmer shows any form of promise again it can stay at the bottom of the well away from view. Shining in the beautiful blue waters it is hidding beneath. It's prizon and it's haven.
Maybe someone else will pick it up. Maybe someone already has. Maybe it will disappear, and maybe it was never there?
Which makes the character in this story also wonder... Why do things glimmer and tease you and then never live up to their potential? Or do they?
It's like you are always being taunted by the sparkles and never able to reach down and grasp the stone.
I guess it's not a story unlike others. It's not new or original.
It's just a glimmer of hope in a fantasy world that probably will never be realised.
Did I miss my chance to wish upon that shooting star?
Maybe it will forgive me and I'll get another chance?
BUT
For now I'll snap out of that world and focus on: UNI UNI UNI, STUDY STUDY STUDY.
May all your wishes come true,
(and maybe even mine ;) )
xx
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